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In a study of female adolescents published in Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine in Juneabout 41 percent of girls ages fourteen to seventeen reported having unwanted sex. Parents want to know how to speak to their children about sex, and kids certainly want to hear from parents. Shockingly, when given a choice between a real woman and Internet porn, many men choose the porn. I couldnt gure out why I hadnt just slept with this guy or that one like my friends do. There is no pleasure. This phenomenon is called pluralistic ignorance, a wonderful term coined by Floyd Allport in He was better at conversation and had something more interesting on TV, and Mom was staying up reading and watching QVC, so I wouldnt be able to get much sleep there, either. That is, students wrongly assumed that the attitudes of others about hooking up were more homogeneous than they actually were. Yeah, I wouldnt just bash her for nothing. Yes and no.

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    Since the great majority of students do in fact hook up, it appears that most students believe that others are comfortablemore comfortable than they are themselveswith engaging in a variety of uncommitted sexual behaviors. Playboy featured my book under the heading A Mans Worst Nightmare, and The Nation solemnly foretold that I would certainly be embarrassed and regret my stance in a few years.

    If we didnt ostracize her, if we acceptednay, promotedher, then shed be ying high with notches on her belt just like Don Juan. New York: Random House Publishing, After she found out that we hadnt had sex, she asked me whether I was frigid or gay.

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    Voicing a common view and in the same New York Times pieceJeanette May, cofounder of the Coalition for Positive Sexuality, declares that girls are better served by having sex for their pleasure, without a lot of emotional attachment.

    Usually these stories were depressing, but I did hear one that was priceless. Lending him extra credibility, to be sure, is the fact that he is a man, and he can admit that casual sex is hollow for men too: You can teach yourself to have sex like a man, he counsels, but that doesnt mean that men, deep down, wouldnt rather learn to have sex like a woman.

    Sad commentary. She is the founder of ModestyZone.

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    Parents often dont want to be in their kids bad books, says Sara Dimerman, a child and family therapist who is based in Toronto. And thats why I thank God I read your book when I did.

    Neither assumption was right. At this writing, something called PSD is all over the news, and perhaps it may be helpful. Similarly, many people, noticing that men seem capable of sex without emotional consequences, conclude that jadedness and disconnection are now the goal for all humanity. A year later, Jessica told New York magazine that she was secretly hoping one of her psycho lovers would kill her, because what a relief that would be.

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    For many women, on the other hand, a terrible hookup is one in which they are pressured to go farther than they wanted.

    Even an article in a womens magazine encouraging the sisterhood to be happy as singlesDown with the Husband Hunt! Its an introduction to the possibility of a sexual relationship or encounter.

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    Similarly, many people, noticing that men seem capable of sex without emotional consequences, conclude that jadedness and disconnection are now the goal for all humanity. Oh, excuse me, I replied.

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    What are the ways in which it is working and not working for you? For a moment after I was cut out of an opportunity the other guests had been given, I felt anxious and wondered whether I had made a mistake.

    If youre in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. If a girl doesnt want to have sex, why cant she just say no, without having to offer an oral consolation prize?

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    Each believes that others behave a certain way because they truly want to, when in fact everyone else also has private qualms about the norm.

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    But whatever it is, may it be authentic. The teens anxiety resulted from an awareness that his behavior placed him at risk for HIV. So why is no one burning him in efgy? And even when sex is wanted, it tends to be regretted soon afterespecially by girls. She doesnt get this backward reasoning out of nowhere.

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